Hi, i’m Kayla! I have been fat my entire life! So yes i was an obese child. I’ve known nothing different, but i’m changing my life, come along for the journey?
I just have always been fat. Even when i was very young i was bigger then all the other children,as the years went on i got bigger and bigger. When i was in fifth grade i wore i size 16/18! My biggest i got was 340 pounds! When i looked in the mirror i was so ashamed of myself. I didn’t like who i was, or who i was becoming because at 340 pounds i saw my future. I was going nowhere fast.
You see growing up i had no concept of nutrition. The motto was eat what you want. A little back ground on my family: majority of them are over weight. My dad,mom,(my brother was over weight but i helped him loss weight now he’s at a healthy weight) grandparents,aunts,uncles. The list goes on and on. When i was young my best friend could eat what ever she wanted!!!! anything,she would not gain weigh so i though everyone who was thin ate like that.If you were fat your metabolism was slow. I still remember 9th grade i was eating lunch with my friends and one of my friends was eating healthy which i thought was weird because she was thin, she talked about how she went to the gym and ate right or she would gain weight! Which i thought was weird! Because i honestly thought people that go to the gym are gym freaks thats why they are skinny,and the everyday normal people if you were thin you were just lucky and you could eat what ever you want, and if you were fat it was because thats just the way God made you. I SWEAR I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP BUT IM NOT YOU COULD SAY I WAS SOMEWHAT “SHELTERED” I just ate, and ate and ate. I wasn’t dumb, as i got older i knew fast food, fried foods all junk food was bad for you!
My senior year of high school i transferred to home school because i was just so ashamed of myself. Also i felt like i would not be able to do my senior pictures. (At my old high school for your senior pictures the photographer would come and the company would bring, off the shoulder black shirts for the girls to put on,and tuxes for the boys.) I felt like they weren’t going to have one big enough for me. That was another reason i did home school. I didn’t even go take my SATS for college! At my private school the desks were not connected to the chairs. You would pull out your chair, but at the public high school where i would have taken the SATS the desk is connected to the chair and you slide in on the side.(if that makes any sense?) I was scared i would not be able to fit into the desks so i did not take them! So there i was graduated from high school. I had no future! At that point in my life it was the lowest. Because i truly had no idea what i was going to do! It had gotten so bad that i would not go into stores,any kind of stores because i felt like everyone was looking and making fun of me. I felt embarrassed EVERY WHERE I WENT! I would not go to restaurants,malls,some times not even family gatherings. ALL BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. At that point in my life i lived in a “fantasy” world. I would block out the bad. I wasn’t crazy! This happens to a lot of people creating fantasy worlds in their mind. So i really wasn’t living in the “real” world. I just tried to have happy thoughts all of the time because my reality was terrible. And i continued to eat! Eating was a comfort thing. It was there for me like a “friend”. I could always depend on it. You see after i started home school i had no friends! like none! At that point in my life i felt like no one wanted to be my friend because i was fat. I felt fat and ugly. I would ask God,” why am i fat?” WHY! everyone can eat what they want expect me!” Of course that is not true thats just the way i felt. I felt like i did not deserve a future. I felt like i was not good enough.
I felt like i was at rock bottom. I hated myself! I didn’t want to look into mirrors,or think about how big i was.
I knew i had to change my life! Yes, my parents helped developed the eating habits i had. But it was my fault i got to 340 pounds! Not theirs! I needed to stop blaming them and take control and face reality and realize its my fault, and I’m the only one who can change it! No one else. Yes, they helped developed the bad eating habits,but they did not force food down my throat. I had common knowledge of knowing what was bad and what was good,but like my parents i didn’t care about nutrition. I just wanted what tasted good.
In 2011 that started to change. I took baby steps, but hey i was going in the right direction, right? I started working out. Slow and not every day but i was making changes, then came changing the way i ate. I educated myself about nutrition. I learned about clean eating. I tried to learn as much as i could. Then the next step was changing the way i felt about myself. At that point i still felt ugly and undeserving. Every day my body was changing i felt better and better about myself. I was liking who i was becoming! It was exciting! I’m currently still going though the process of loving myself and building confidence! I’ve come a long way! In January of 2012 i decided i DESERVED to go to school! So i decide i was going to do whatever i could to start college in the fall of 2012! I took a year off between high school and college. During that year i was so upset i did that! I thought “nice going kayla, now you are a year behind!” But currently looking back I’m so glade i took that year off! Because look how far i’ve come within that year! Ive not only changed my body ,but I’ve changed as a person! Im so much more happier! Im so much more confident! And if i did not change my life, i would not be going to collage this year. I would still be where i was. Doing nothing, going nowhere, Still sad! It breaks my heart! Because i know there are people feeling how i felt over a year ago! No who should ever feel that way! This has been over a years journey! Please don’t think i changed my exercise routine,eating habits and loving myself all in a months time! This process has been long, but worth it! Im over half way through my weight loss journey! Now I’m so excited what the future holds for me! What GOD has planned for me!